No excuses, get what you want

Another banner week. Checked all the boxes on my goals and lost 3 lbs. Weighed in this morning at 274, which is a new landmark as well: lower than my lowest weight when I was trying back in the summer of 2017. So, I've lost all the weight I gained since that time, and then some. Also overall, from my starting weight in November 2018, I have lost 21+ lbs. Ate clean all week, and went to the gym 3 times plus worked out at home on days I didn't go the gym. ✔✔✔

So let's talk about some of it.

Weight: I've been weighing myself every day and I plan to continue doing so. I say, "hogwash" to the popular myth that you should never weigh yourself more than [insert whatever interval].

Fuck that. Weighing myself every day keeps me accountable. It also helps me to understand how my diet affects my daily weight. I've had some very unpleasant surprises, like the day I got on the scale and weighed 8 lbs. more than the day before.

OK - don't panic! Here's a science-based fact: even for a person like me, who is easily capable of binge-eating 5000 calories in a few minutes, it is virtually impossible to gain even 1 lb. of actual fat in one day. (Note I say "virtually," because it is technically possible, but as a far outlier.)

So back to that day I ricocheted back up to 290 from 282 the prior day. (This was 2 weeks ago.)

Needless to say, sticker shock was in full swing that day. I was like, "Oh fuck me. What the for real fuck? I am off the wagon. I'm gonna fail again. This is bullshit. Fuck it all." Then, I took a deep breath and said, "Slow down, slow down, let's not jump off the building just yet, okay?" I had to really be honest with myself that the day before I had really overeaten, even though it was "clean" food, I still ate too much of it and a lot of salty food, including peanut butter which I swear one fucking tablespoon of peanut butter and I can feel my panties pinching me. And a lot of salty food, combined with not having gone to the gym that day, either and most of it is water weight. OK, so... phew. Yes, I went a little off the wagon, but it's not the end, it's not that bad. It did also serve to refocus my goals and my resolve. For whatever reason, this time, setbacks encourage me instead of me quitting at the slightest bump in the road.

About water and hydration, something noticed that I like: it is noteworthy that I have never had a problem drinking enough water. Water is my favorite beverage, always has been even when I was a kid. I don't keep any other kind of beverage in the house, not even milk, unless coffee counts. In fact, I despise milk, always have. They had to force me to drink it when I was a kid, and now that I don't have to do anything I don't want to, I still hate milk. Yuck. Milk is gross. (I get plenty of dairy from yogurt and cheese.)(And you don't need as much of that as the diet industry wants you to buy -- oops, I mean, wants you to think.) I love water and I always have a big cup of water at hand. Sometimes I do over-hydrate, but that's not actually bad, you just have to piss a bunch of times until your body gets back to it's preferred hydration level.

OK side tracked. Back to water, or specifically pee. Something I was struggling with and trying to accept as an inevitable consequence of getting older was having to get up to pee as much as 4-5 times during the night. Since I started going to the gym and working out regularly along with cleaning up my diet, I sometimes actually sleep through the whole night (insomnia being another major challenge for me, that is also quickly abating...) and in general I never have to get out of bed to pee more than once a night. It's seriously like a miracle. It's an unexpected benefit.

Let's move on.

Diet: something I was not expecting -- I am losing my appetite for processed and / or high-carb-low-nutrient crap food. As I have already noted (and it is truly amazing) I have not even considered buying a frozen pizza, which used to be my #1 indulgence food. And I have frozen buffalo chicken strips and fries -- my #1.5 favorite indulgence food -- in the freezer untouched for over a week now. One day last week I was about to cook some for dinner just out of habit, and as I was standing there staring into the freezer I realized that more than just not having an appetite for it, I was feeling mildly grossed out by the idea of eating that. And later that same night, when I was digging around in the fridge for a bedtime snack I actually said out loud, "Yum. Cucumber," and I ate some cucumber slices with vinegar -- and then went to bed, feeling satisfied.

Who fucking thought ever such a thing was possible? Some cucumber slices were my preferred snack.

Exercise: I am actually enjoying going to the gym. At 6 in the morning. WTF? I feel great afterward and it sets the tone for my whole day. I am currently considering stepping up my goal from 3x/wk to 5x/wk. I emphasize "considering" because I want to make sure I set sustainable goals that I can achieve 100%.

I find that by the end of my work week, I am running on a sleep deficit of 5-8 hours depending on how early I go to bed throughout the week. I just can't go to bed super early. I'm not wired for it and I'm not happy when I force myself to. I find that I am naturally tired and ready to go to bed between 9 and 10 pm, and that just has to be good enough. I find that since I have started exercising regularly and sleeping better, that the sleep deficit is not as debilitating to be as it was. I also am willing to sleep in on my days off, I do not subscribe to the belief that you must go to bed and get up at the same time every single day. It's just not practical. And I enjoy the luxurious feeling of sleeping in. It's psychologically medicinal as well as how I compensate my sleep loss during the work week. Since starting to exercise more often I have also found that my recovery time (in terms of regaining lost rest, as opposed to just making up the lost hours) is much shorter. I tend to sleep in really late Saturday and then on Sunday I wake up much earlier, for a day off.

So why the long ramble about my sleep? Well, because it will be affected by an increase to 5x/wk at the gym. I won't go after work, I just know I won't. So it has to be in the morning. Plus, I like going in the morning, there is something about it that just clicks for me. But, I find that at least 1 day a week, I end up sleeping in about 30 minutes and just doing my "short morning," to still get to work on time. And I find that day I always thank myself for choosing to sleep another half hour. I think I am going to try going to the gym 4 days next week and if that goes okay, I will trial-run a 5 day schedule and see if I think it is sustainable.

And just because I have been watching them on YouTube, here's a shout-out to my current favorite weight loss inspirations: ZachAttacksFat and JordanShrinks.

Zach has a saying I like: "No excuses, get what you want." I find myself saying that any time I am about to go off the wagon and it helps. I also have realized that it really is about me and what I want and my plan to get there. And the more I work on it, the more I realize that all that matters is going forward. Missing a goal, or going off the wagon for one meal or one day or a little weight gain are not reasons to quit, they are reasons to try harder. I even find myself "leaning in" on my workouts, like the last few minutes on the treadmill I find myself saying, "get into it, not out." Push through, get the endorphin rush, you'll be happy.

Another quote by Zach that I think about quite often, "I've never gone to the gym when I really wasn't feeling it and regretted it after." That is so true -- when the alarm goes off at 5am it is easy to say fuck it and reset it for 6:30, but I end up thinking how disappointed in myself I will be if that is what happens. And I get up and get ready and go. I have been preparing my meals for work and getting my gym stuff all put together the night before as well so all I have to do is go. And truly, it is just the actual getting out of bed that is hard. Once my feet are on the floor, it's go time.

So let's have a little recap......

Weight: going good, losing about 2 lbs. a week on average.
Diet: going even better than expected.
Exercise: going good, could go better -- I am going to trail-run going to the gym 5x/wk
Mood / Depression: I know I didn't talk about this in this post, but going very well.