St. John's Wort & some random chatter

So I have started taking St. John's Wort in capsule form, 300 mg 3x/day. It can take up to 4-6 weeks to reach full effect, so I want to document that I started taking it Tuesday, Oct 16th, 2018. So, six weeks will be 11/27/18.

So far, I feel like it is working. Of course it has only been 4 days, and I have also restarted Valerian 500 mg a bedtime, as well as Sleepytime Tea Extra that has Valerian root in it along with what I was already taking: 10 mg melatonin (down from 20 or even 30 sometimes) and 1000 mg Tylenol PM.

I have also re-started using Breathe-Right nose strips that really do help me, I forgot how much. Additionally, I did make the adjustments to my environment (blackout curtain, white noise, no TV) and I have been sticking to my no eating before bed (except a snack, an actual snack, not a meal I call a snack...) And, I have been walking around the outside of the building usually twice day at work, so that is about 1/2 mile a day.

My results this week have been good. I feel encouraged. I have slept real sleep every night since I made these changes. What I am finding is I am feeling really tired by the end of the day every day, which is good for two main reasons: 1) it means I am starting to recover / sleep off some of my "banked" fatigue -- the exhaustion / stress combo we naturally shunt off for later that builds up over time in what I call bubbles or boxes; and 2) ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh....... I fucking love sleeping.

I have felt fairly good most of the week since I started being able to sleep again. I did feel a little short tempered when stressed, like more than usual or at least more than I normally allow to show. I did notice that my irritation with other drivers was a lot more mellow this week. That is something I work on all the time. I strive to be more Zen in the car, and it works better some days than others.

I have also been mindful of "excessive rumination" which I would have said is not something I do, if you had just asked me cold about it. But having read about it in several trustworthy places, I catch myself several times a day saying, "quit dwelling on shit, Kyle." It's fairly eye opening actually. And it has worked to mentally check myself. I was shocked to have clear evidence that I rehash shit in my mind all the time, and feel angry or guilty or sad or all of that over shit that is over and I've had plenty of time to work through it. As I said already, it is quite eye opening, and I feel a sense of refreshment from realizing it's just demons, just memories, and the past does not define me unless I allow it to. I am who I say I am.

OK, I have said a dozen times to myself today that I will get out for a real walk somewhere. So instead of writing this blog post any longer, I'm going to go do that.