Thanksgiving (back) Slide

Oops. Gained 2 lbs. I choose to spin this as a positive, as that means I have still lost 1 lb since I started weighing myself again. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Not only did Thanksgiving happen, wherein I actually ate so much that I couldn't find a comfortable position, sitting, standing or laying down for about 45 min after I packed the last mouthful into my throat with a jackhammer. (Not literally, but...... oink oink.) I also took a 4-day weekend from work, and didn't fall off the wagon, I was like, "Stop this shitty wagon, I'm getting off."

Admittedly, I semi-planned this. I knew I would do my favorite thing to do when I have a mini-vaca: go into Hobbit Mode, i.e.: stay home in my comfy clothes, eat 6 meals a day of super yummy comfort food, smoke the halfling leaf, and drink a gallon of beer or ten.

I didn't drink that much truly -- the St. John's Wort does seem to have the unexpected side effect of lessening to outright killing my taste for booze. I like this development, although I have also had a couple disappointing attempts to party like it's 1999 and ended up watching TV with an early-onset hangover, eating Ibuprofen and guzzling water.

I knew I was not going to see the same results as last week is my point. And, I am giving myself a pass. A conditional pass. The condition is: as long as I am right back on the wagon tomorrow (Monday) and I stay on the wagon all week, meaning next weekend, too, I am preemptively forgiving myself for this past week. I'm disappointed to see the number go up on the scale, but not surprised as I consciously (pretty much) gave permission for it to happen.

Here's the real issue: I need to look into finding some different self care / hide-at-home tactics. It's so ingrained in me that unsupervised free time = monkey brain stuff (i.e.: eat, drink, binge porn) that I truly don't even know what an alternative Perfect Weekend At Home Alone would look like. So there's a goal: find new things to picture when I hear the lyric, "...working for the weekend." And no one say fucking coloring. No, I'm not gonna fucking color. I hated coloring when I was a kid, and it is just fucking stupid. There, I feel better now that I said that. (And if you love coloring, great -- you do you, I'll do me.) But really, I gotta come up with some other things I find awesomely soul-feeding and immersive all weekend fun time.

So, today is my last day of the 4-day mini-vaca. I have another one in December. (Xmas is a Tue so I am taking Mon & Tue off that week.) While I cram myself full of fried food with one hand and spank it with the other one while I guzzle down whiskey (not really, at least not whiskey, not on a work night...) I will also contemplate other things that I might enjoy doing instead. Maybe I'll develop an obsessive fascination with fitness. Or stabbing my eyeballs with needles.

Anyway. You already know about me that I have to mock myself to be forthcoming about my true self sometimes. And that is just fine. I'm going to formulate a trial game plan for my December 4-day weekend that involves healthier pursuits. And jerking off, it's the most exercise I've gotten all weekend.

OMG I'm so fat

OK, so this happened on FB which makes it real.

I'm not just being dramatic, either. I'm so fat that my office chair wheels don't roll when I scoot the chair, they just drag because they're flattened to the floor. And I went for a 2 mile walk yesterday and today my "bad hip" is "acting up" for the first time in months. The last time was when I climbed Acadia Mountain, which is a hard trail. So strolling down the street with my headphones on and my hip is sore like after I climbed a mountain just a few months ago. Also while I was on that walk, my knee on my "good side" gave that little warning twinge. I'm getting too fat for my skeleton to carry me.

Yes, I am making mockery of it a little. It's part of how I deal with stuff. I'm sarcastic, even toward myself. And also, seriously those things all happened.

Here's the good parts though:

I did go for a walk.

And today I made sure to walk a whole mile outdoors, which is four times around the building, done in 2 laps before and 2 laps after lunch. My office walking buddy went with me.

And I renewed my membership to WW, the re-branded Weight Watchers. It worked really well for me before -- it is what I was doing back in '11-'12 when I got really skinny for a while. I re-remembered that the Points system activates my competitiveness. It's nice to see they let you have carry-over points, that is a new part of the program. It's Scientology for fat people, but it works.

I dug out my exercise clothes. No one wants to see that, not even me, so don't ask. But I did YouTube some yoga videos and used my free weights for like 5 minutes. I picture how I plan to look in them, and do not look in the mirror while I do yoga.

So, I'm feeling pretty enthusiastic about stuff. I do know how to eat clean and get my exercise. I know I can do it. I've done it before, and that was mostly by accident, like the first 40 lbs anyway. So on purpose, I'm sure I can do it.

I have re-resolved my vow to put my silverware down between bites. I've actually been doing that one at home for a couple weeks, and I'll start it at work, too. People already think I'm weird.

This guy is still in there somewhere:

I'm printing these out and putting them on the fridge and in the bathroom and by my desk. In addition to being that vain for real, they are going to motivate me. You know what's fucked up -- I thought I was fat in these pics. (In 2012 and 2011.)(I was 40.)