Sunday Walk Report, a.k.a. rest day rebound from hell

Probably should have ate some breakfast before I went for my Sunday walk, but it is such a gorgeous, sunny day, I couldn't wait. I also should have brought some water. I hit the first couple hills pretty hard and felt a little weak and wobbly most of the rest of the way. I kept thinking, ok that endorphin rush is gonna kick in, and it did, but it was not very prolonged. I ended up taking a handful of short breaks, when I usually only take one, and I'm sure a couple cars that passed me wondered if I was drunk, lol. My knee gave a few "warning twinges," as I call them, so I also walked much slower than usual just to take extra care not to hurt myself. I was not expecting to flag so soon. My rest day yesterday was more like a crash day. I did put in a hard push last week, on a strict calorie deficit.

I officially declare the remainder of today to be back to rest mode.

I'm gonna do some minimal chores and sit my ass down. Probably face down into a GoT binge. I'm almost done with Season 3. Only 3 weeks until the Season 8 premier. I would normally put in another 45 min or so on my treadmill, but I am not gonna do that tonight I don't think.

OK, must end on a positive note. (Also note, learning from a bad experience is not negative...) I did see green grass, saw and heard running water all along the route, and most of the Penobscot River is open water with cool looking icebergs.

My Mindful

Eat mindfully.

Truthfully, I long believed this was total bullshit. "I've always been a fast eater, I always will be," was my mantra. I told myself that lie so many times I actually believed it. So, lately I have been trying to eat "mindfully" and it really does help me feel more satisfied with my meals, and to eat less overall.

Here is a true, science-based fact: it takes at least 15 minutes, sometimes as much as 30 minutes, for you to feel how full your stomach is from the last bite you eat.

Eating slower, and stopping eating for short periods during the meal help you to enjoy your food more and help you feel full from your meals. This is something I still have to consciously work on, but it does work if you work at it. Here's how I do it:

The very first rule I ever tried out was putting my fork down between bites. I have the rule that once I start to chew, the fork goes on the plate, completely out of my hand. I am still working on this goal. I am pretty good at it when I am at home, but I am still missing the mark at work. Oddly enough, I eat with other people at work, you'd think it would be the other way around, but it's not.

The second rule I tried on was having a sip of water between bites. I don't use it as a hard and fast rule right now, but I might make it one soon.

Once these things started producing results for me, I started listening to the ambient advice out there about "eating mindfully." One of the things I did believe all along was that you should make meals an important event. The idea behind eating mindfully is that you should focus on the meal and it's importance to you, and make meal time an event that has meaning -- not just sit in front of the TV and shovel down a bowl full of garbage.

I'm gonna put this right out there, and I don't give one fuck who thinks it's wrong, it is right for me: I watch TV while I eat dinner.

But, I do have some rules. First of all, I don't have broadcast TV, I have Hulu, Netflix, and Internet sources like YouTube and others, including Curiosity Stream which is an educational / documentary streaming service. I watch TV when I work out at home, too (I watch TV at the gym too...) but I have a rule for that as well: I only watch educational TV while I work out, no fiction or news. So my eating rule about TV is this: I only watch for-pleasure programming while I eat, so the opposite of the workout rule. BUT, no news. Part of My Mindful is that I create my own insular world where I am free and comfortable, which means no news, no perpetual outrage cycle creeping into my subconscious.

I also set up my environment for meal time. I light candles and put on incense and have a show queued up to start when I sit down to the meal. I make sure my chores for the day are done so that meal time is the runway into the rest of my evening. I also make sure to drink a big glass of water at least 15 minutes before I eat. And I normally smoke a nice fat bowl -- note, smoking weed does not give me the munchies, but it definitely enhances my enjoyment of food, and helps me relax and get into the "mindful mood."

I know to a person who does not have a fucked up relationship with food, it should go without saying that you also need to chew your food. But for me, chewing my food is important. Part of how I can be such a fast eater is that I only chew my food a couple times before I swallow it. That is also a function of binge eating -- the only way you can consume huge amounts of food is quickly. I've had a 10,000 calorie binge before. You don't cram that much food down your throat by chewing it too long. So part of My Mindful is that I focus on chewing, as well as tasting the food while I am chewing it.

So, set the scene. Make sure you're hydrated. Put the fork down between bites, chew the food completely before swallowing it, and drink water between bites. And watch something on TV that is for pleasure only.

The whole nitty gritty of my diet, what exactly I eat

I've been wanting to write a post for a while that describes my diet plan in detail. I have said a lot that I made a complete change in my dietary regimen, but I rarely discuss what I actually eat, or what my practical rules are. So here goes:

First of all, I am doing Weight Watchers (which has re-branded itself, "WW.") I really like WW, and I think they are one of the only weight loss plans that is science-based and maintainable. I find that their "PointsPlus" system works really well for me. It keeps me accountable without obsessing over calories, and teaches healthy eating habits by rewarding positive behaviors. Rather than restriction, WW is focused on creating a diet and activity routine that works for individuals, and makes you feel good and want to do the right thing. It is oriented toward individual plans, flexibility and results.

I do also use MyFitnessPal because I want to track my macros, which is one thing that WW does not let you track. And, I have found by comparing my WW data with MyFitnessPal data that the WW system is legit -- I see comparable data between them, although WW is a little more forgiving toward some foods in terms of how many calories they really have. I also find that MyFitnessPal is a better tracker for my cardio and weight lifting, and it is so easy to use that it doesn't bother me to be tracking everything twice.

In spite of my glowing review of WW, I am actually considering cancelling my membership. I have re-set my nutritional profile. I am eating under my WW points every day, and I have learned what I can and can't do in terms of food and stay on my health goals. WW costs me $20 / mo which is not terrible, but I could use the extra money -- who couldn't? That's a tank of gas (well, like 2/3...) or a self-treat, or savings. I am smashing my goals, and I have learned the why and how behind all of it, I'm not so dependent on WW to give me direction any more. I am not decided on it either way, and I have to stay until May to be able to cancel without paying a fee, so a couple more months anyway.

OK -- the food, Kyle. What the fuck do you eat?

As I often point out: Saturday is my "Zero Day," meaning I eat whatever I want on Saturday. The rest of the week, I have the following rules:

• Eat a salad for lunch
• 50%+ of my calories from vegetables, all the time
• Eat a lean protein with every meal
• One 24-hour fast every week (usually Fri into Sat.)
• Drink a minimum of 64 oz. of water a day, a full 8 oz. at least 15 minutes before every meal

So, my daily breakfast:

• Mon - Fri I usually eat about 1 cup of fresh fruit with approx. 2 tbls of Greek yogurt and about 1/8 of a cup (yes that little) (yes, I measure it) of Kashi Go Lean Granola.
• On Saturday I usually don't eat breakfast
• On Sunday I usually make myself a 2-egg omelet with whatever vegetables I feel like that day, about 1 oz of feta cheese, 2 oven-baked hash-brown patties, 1 English muffin and sometimes (about every other week) 3 slices of oven-baked turkey bacon.

My daily lunch:

• Six days a week I make a large salad consisting of ~ (approximate amounts)
• 2 cups shredded iceberg lettuce, 2 cups mixed spinach, baby kale and chard greens, 1 cup dry coleslaw mix
• 1/2 cup diced onion, mixed bell peppers, garlic and jalapeno and / or cubanelle peppers
• 1/4 cup sliced salad olives
• 1 dill pickle spear
• either roasted red peppers or banana peppers
• a handful each of medium black olives and garbanzo beans
• 6 oz. of either deli turkey or imitation crab meat or grilled chicken breast
• 1 large hard boiled egg
• a healthy sprinkle of mixed hemp, chia and flax seed (I am switching to ground)
• a palmful of mixed nuts (usually peanuts, sunflower seeds, walnuts, pecans, almonds, pumpkin seeds, and cashews -- whatever I grab at the dollar store, it's WAY cheaper to make my own mixed nut blend than to buy it that way...)
• sometimes a sprinkle of bacon bits, literally a sprinkle just for the taste boost
• I make my own salad dressing every day in a little tiny container, normally with like a half tsp of oil, hot sauce, dry spices, lime or lemon juice, apple cider vinegar and spicy mustard and / or balsamic vinegar. Sometimes I switch it up to pesto, and once in a while I do a peanut-butter based quasi-Asian style dressing. Like 50 calories at most, usually less than 10.
• On Saturdays I usually don't eat lunch. If I do, it is a salad.

My daily dinners:

• Six days a week, I am boring as fuck and I eat basically the same thing every day:
• Either a chicken breast or a lean pork chop
• A huge fucking pile of vegetables, here are the ones I prefer (not all of these every meal:)
• Brussels Sprouts (I eat them like every other day, or more)
• Summer Squash & Zucchini
• Asparagus (I buy a big bunch every 2 weeks when I go grocery shopping)
• Mixed bell peppers
• Onion (I eat at least 1 whole onion a day between my lunch and dinner, usually more)
• Garlic (I eat a shitload of garlic)
• Broccoli & Califlour
• Red potato (I love potatoes and it is a BS lie that you can't eat them and lose weight.)
• Ginger (I eat a LOT of ginger)
• jalapeno
• I use whatever dry spices I like any given day, salt & pepper to taste, toss it all together, wrap it in foil and let it cook in my toaster oven on 420 for an hour, uncovered and on broil the last 15 min. Sometimes the potatoes take a little longer to get to the softness that I like if I didn't pre-heat the oven first. 
• On Saturday I sometimes eat the above. But, I also allow myself to have "indulgence meals" on Saturday if I want them. I often have Buffalo chicken tenders and oven-baked french fries. Last week I had sushi. I sometimes have take-out Thai. Whatever. 

My snacks:

• First of all, if I eat something like 1 piece of candy, or drive-by graze a couple chips at work, or something like that, I don't track it and I don't consider it a "snack."
• On Thursdays at work it is "Popcorn Day" and I always eat a bag of popcorn with some shitty super-sodium-artificial-garbage-food flavoring -- I like the "chile lime" mixed with "garlic parm." It's the grossest thing in my diet, totally does not qualify as "eating clean," and I don't give one fuck. It's yummy and it is a highlight of my week. 
• At home in the evening I usually have a couple spoonfuls of fat-free cottage cheese
• When I am prepping my meals for the next day, I also usually have a spoonful of Greek yogurt and a handful of nuts (huhuhu I like nuts in my mouth...) and sometimes a dill pickle spear.
• If I feel actually hungry later in the evening, about once a week I have some saltine crackers with peanut butter.
• A few nights a week I make myself a snack platter with some olives, pickles, and a sliced apple
• Also a couple nights a week, I will eat 2 small frozen (cooked of course) bean & cheese burritos with my home made pico de gallo.

"Forbidden Foods"

I do not have any forbidden foods. If I want something, I have it. I do have some rules about certain types of foods though.

• I no longer eat sandwich bread. If I do eat anything like a sandwich, it is in a wrap. I do still eat English muffins once in a while. And I have eaten at Subway a couple times which was a whole wheat sub roll. So really, I don't make or buy bread any more, but it is not totally out of my diet.
• I have not eaten pizza at home, period. And I have only eaten 2 pieces of pizza -- at a party at work -- since I started losing weight in November 2018. Frozen pizzas were a huge problem for me, I was eating an average of 2 a week by myself. They are a binge food for me. I cannot control my eating if I have one in the house -- I will eat the entire pizza in one sitting, and then have another meal afterward. I cannot yet trust myself with pizza. This is the closest thing to a "forbidden" food for me.
• I've stopped eating chips and things like trail mix. Those are also binge foods for me. I only allow myself to buy saltine crackers, and even with those I have to use a lot of self control. 
• I also use the following rule to check in with myself before I eat a snack or an unplanned meal: drink a whole glass of water and wait at least 15 minutes. If you're still hungry after that, eat something, but start with some pea pods or carrots and see what happens from there.

I didn't mention coffee. I drink coffee with non-dairy creamer and Stevia extract. I drink as much coffee as I want, and I do not track it. I don't care. I tend to drink about 3 cups of coffee a day, although sometimes I have a cup of coffee after lunch at work. If I have any coffee after 2 pm or so, I have decaf. I love coffee and no one will ever convince me to stop. There is plenty of supporting data for the positive benefits of coffee, and the amount of additives I put in it are negligible in terms of diet.

So that's that. My whole diet. It's not that impressive. But, it is a vegetable-based whole food diet that is very low carb, high protein, fat-adapted. I am not specifically eating the Paleo diet, but it is pretty close. I have also read the book, "It Starts With Food," which is the Whole30 diet, and again, I am not doing the Whole30, but close. I don't totally agree with any diet plan that is out there, but the two I mention here are ones that I think are science-based and do not have any long term health risks.

Smashed It - boom!

I said I was gonna lean in, and I did. Weighed in at 249, meaning I lost 7 lbs this week and 48 lbs overall.

Also lost an inch around my chest and oddly enough half an inch off my calf which I didn't think was fat -- LOL. I've seen a marked increase in the definition of my legs overall, so I'm pleased to see that result. Also oddly, my neck seems to have gotten half an inch thicker, but maybe when I took my measurements 2 weeks ago I measured wrong? My neck has been 18 inches for years, even when I was down to 185 lbs in 2012, it was 17. I also lost half an inch off my waist which I was expecting; I have had to tighten my belt down another notch and I will have to do another one pretty soon -- that will make it down to the 4th hole, when I was squeezing myself into the last one when I started and was thinking that I might have to make a new one, or get a bigger belt.

Made a few adjustments to my routine this week:

• I have decided that "Leg Day," which is Tues & Thu will be cardio-focused on the treadmill using high inclines at fast pace, with varied positioning to work my whole lower body. I have ditched the machines I was working out on at the gym; I am not convinced I was getting any benefits from them, and the HIT cardio results this week are pretty persuasive to me. If the results stay in line with what I saw this week, I will stay with it. 
• I have started eating my dinner later in the evening, which has resulted in me not needing to eat essentially a second meal later on. I was able to not eat at all after dinner, or only have an actual snack-sized snack. I was trying this method where I was eating half to two-thirds of my dinner then setting it aside for half an hour or thereabouts, then finishing it later. It wasn't very effective though. I found that I was obsessing on it: thinking about it constantly, watching the clock, planning my next meal before I even finished the one I was artificially dragging out over an hour. And I was still eating a much larger snack -- more like a small meal -- later in the evening. This week, I ate my dinner as much as an hour and a half later -- around 8 pm, and I ate the entire meal (mindfully, which I am going to write a whole post about...) and was not hungry afterward. So, the gimmicky eat-half-now-eat-half-later method is shelved. It was a good idea, but it just didn't work.

I'm thinking about switching to free weights instead of the machines at the gym. I don't know. I still feel a little self conscious, especially with some of the really fit, muscular guys who work out at my gym. I don't worry about them judging me, I worry about me judging me. Regardless, I have been YouTubing some free weight training and advice videos and watching some of the guys at the gym who are really fit and observing which lifts / routines they do, and just letting it ruminate around in my head. We'll see.

I think my goal for last week definitely got met, smashed it in fact. I was struggling for about 3 weeks with a plateau, or my metabolism trying to enforce a new set point, or whatever it was -- I couldn't seem to get down below 260 and stay there. Every time, I would see the scale go down to 259 or less and the next fuckin' day, I would be right back up there -- 261, 263 -- fuckin' 265, and I'm like, OH HELL NO. I really used my mind-body connection this week. I stepped it up at the gym and in my home workouts, I stuck to my diet plan 100% and enforced a 1000 calorie deficit (or more) every day, and pushed myself hard on weight lifting. And it paid off. I am thrilled with the result, and I think I succeeded in getting over that little hump.

Let's recap my actual set goals. I need a little reminder. I did promise myself that my very strict up-tick this week was not going to set a new bar. I'm not very good at holding myself back once I get to a new level, but I also have found a few of my limits in terms of what is sustainable. I know I can't do what I did last week 100% of the time going forward. It was a means to an end, a hard push, not the new normal.

Thus:

• Do something active 6 days a week
• Go to the gym 5 x/wk
• Weight train 3 x/wk
• Do HIT cardio 2 x/wk
• Minimum 300 minutes cardio every week
• Maintain a 500 calorie deficit every day
• Take my meds every day - (in fact, I have added biotin to my regimen, so...)
• AM: 1 biotin, 2 St. Johns's Wort, 1 B-Complex
• PM: 1 St. John's Wort, 2 Tylenol PM, 10 mg melatonin, 3 Valerian Root
• Saturday is "zero day" (meaning I can do nothing if I want, and eat anything I want, but also "zero" because the only caveat is: I will also do zero harm to my other goals while I do whatever the fuck I feel like on Sat.)
• Eat mindfully (my mindful, not someone else's rules.)

Disappointing. Or aggravating. Or both.

256. So I gained 1 lb. It pisses me off, 'cause I had a "perfect week." I went to the gym 5 days, hit all my marks for weight training and knocked my cardio out of the park and stayed on track with my nutritional goals. It's bullshit, how the fuck did I gain a pound? Grrr.

I think my body is trying to assert a new set point. My metabolism could be slowing down in response to losing 40+ lbs. I say hell no to that. Gotta really lean in this week. Cut my calories back a little probably and step up my weight training -- it was time for that anyway. I could also be gaining muscle, it does outweigh fat by 5x by volume, and weight training burns fat 2-3x more efficiently than cardio alone. Regardless, I am not satisfied with being stuck in this 255-265 rang. I keep getting down into the 250s, but I can't stay down there. Like I said, time to lean in a little.

That is all. No excuses, get what you want.

Got my Sunday walk in just before the storm...

I never regret going for a walk.

I managed to get a walk in before the snow started. Well, it was starting the last third of my walk. It's always easy to go for a walk on a sunny day, but I find I often enjoy going for a walk in inclement weather. And I often say that I like walking and hiking in winter and early spring when the trees are bare and there is no ground cover, because you can really see the landscape, and it's easier to see the wildlife. I did my usual walk, the Old Country Road loop. There are a lot of cool houses on the route, and it is a really nice varied terrain with a lot of fairly steep hills, so it is also a natural interval hill course. I want to take pictures of more of the houses, but it makes me feel like a creeper -- it is Sunday and people are home and I'm taking pics of their house... No, I swear I'm not an insurance adjuster. This is Fairview Farm from the southeast side, and it is one of the coolest farmhouses on the route, with that big red barn and they have black & white cows. I'm sure they are used to people taking pictures of their house. But there's a bunch of creepy Victorian farmhouses and some pretty decent views of Bald Mountain. There is also an eagles nest and a lot of other birds, including a flock of pigeons that I swear to God follow me.

I really did get home just in time. It is snowing like hell now. And I still have a lot to do to get ready for the workweek. And even though I had the day off, daylight savings time still fucked me over. I am feeling behind at everything. I forgot until I got out of bed and looked at my phone clock and was like, "Mother fucker! That's right. OMG, it's 10am?" LOL So, I need to stop writing a blog post and get to work. 

42 lbs lost and going strong

I said I'd have a better story this week and I definitely do. Weighed in at 255 lbs, so I lost 7 lbs this week and 42 lbs since the start. Also took my measurements and I am happy to report I have lost 1/2 an inch off my neck, 1"inch each from my chest and stomach, and 2" inches off my thigh. 💪✔

As I've already mentioned on Facebook, I noticed for the first time that my pecs are starting to be visible when I flex them, and I am starting to be able to see and feel that my booty is getting nicer. I noticed it first early in the week when I realized my underwear is fitting different. Then, I also did a "feel test" so to speak later in the week, right after I got off the treadmill from doing a hill challenge and I was like, "OMG, I can grab a handful back there. Sweet." I noticed last week that my stomach is getting visibly smaller, and that it doesn't feel all hard and pushed out and my shirts are falling lower on me -- I don't feel all the time like my belly is hanging out of my clothes.

I was feeling a little discouraged earlier in the week because I was kind of treading water in terms of losing weight. I went to the gym 4 times and worked out at home 6 days, and was staying the same weight every day. Then, this morning I got on the scale and was like, "Holy shit! Seriously?" I actually weighed myself again (which I rarely ever do) just to make sure and it was the same to the tenth of a pound. Hell yeah, 7 lbs. So my body was just messing with me -- holding out on letting go of some poundage to test me. It was a test, too. I was feeling like my effort was wasted or I was doing it wrong. Even though this week was also the week I started to actually be able to see physical results from exercise, in fact, I think that made it even more confounding to have the scale be so stubborn.

And really, I am down 14 lbs from last Saturday. I reported my Fri weight last week... 'cause I was ashamed of what I had done to tank my diet on my mini-vaca. I also only went to the gym Mon & Tues last week. I will confess now that I actually gained weight last week, almost 8 lbs. So really, it took me a hella lot of effort to bang that number back down to where it was. I ate at a 1000 calorie deficit for 3 days and did 80 minutes on the treadmill between the gym and home every day. It took me until Wednesday to get back down to where I was the first day of my mini-vaca last week. Then I lost another 9 lbs. I am fairly certain a lot of it was water weight, considering I had to pee probably twice as often as usual all week.

I would not be surprised to find out all of it was water weight. When I say I tanked my diet I am not kidding. I ate more than I should have the whole 4 1/2 days, had all kinds of garbage food, and a couple mild binges. I say mild binges because it was really just good old fashioned overeating, but I was aware that I was responding to psychological eating triggers and still couldn't stop myself, so slow-roll binge eating.

I also got drunk 4 nights last week. The liquor itself is not really the problem in terms of calories -- I am not a drunk eater, I skip meals when I drink. The problem is that alcohol fucks up my system for days sometimes; water retention, sodium cravings, yo-yo weight, and it ruins any plan I might have to work out, even a short walk on the treadmill. I normally don't let myself drink more than once a week, but again -- "mini-vaca" was a drinking trigger. Additionally, I forget to take my meds at bedtime when I drink, so I seriously fucked up my St. John's levels last week, I could feel that I was unstable, which also contributed to binge eating.

I never understood how connected my weight and depression were until it started to get better. I also really love how exercising makes me feel, so being hung over 4 days last week (including a work day... ug...) also wrecked my ability to work out. On Sunday, I was like, "Fuck this. I have got to get on the treadmill and work this shit out." I did 95 minutes in two sessions and actually did feel pretty good after. But, I still didn't make it to the gym Monday morning. I didn't have enough recovery time from my little 5-day party, and in fact I was at a sleep deficit all week.

This coming week, I am going to have to even it out a little bit. I don't want to set the bar higher at this point. I am at a level of activity that is right at the edge of my ability to maintain. That is fine, but I am not ready to step it up yet. I am still struggling to get into a set pattern, and my first and most important rule is: I will hit every one of my goals 100%, which means I am not allowing myself to set goals I can't get to. Every goal moves up (or down) in small increments. I also like the feeling I get from pushing myself past those marks, so I actually feel incentivized by my goals. I did temporarily move the bar up this week because I fucked up so bad the week before. (See: Squeaked through.) I just need to remind myself that this was a temporary adjustment, not the new bar height.

LOL. I had a great week, lost a ton of weight, noticed my muscles getting bigger and my measurements changed significantly for the better, and my clothes are fitting nicer. And I'm trashing myself for not hitting every single goal. OK, no more of that nonsense! I had a great week and I am going to have another great week this coming week, too.

Squeaked through.

Just squeaked through this week. Weighed in at 261 so I lost a pound. But I really gained weight this week and then did a little intermittent fasting to make up the gap. Technically, I also only lost 6/10th of a pound, but I am only recording the whole number on the scale in the morning.

I have been on a little mini-vaca this week, took a 4 day weekend and a half-ish (a little more than half) day on Wed. I only went to the gym Mon & Tues, although I did do a 4 mile walk on Thu and an hour on my treadmill that same day. But, I also needed the rest. I took some extra days off work because I needed some me time, and I really pushed myself hard at the gym last week in anticipation that this week I would be easing off a little. Turns out I eased off a lot. But that's ok.

Today is my last day of mini-vaca, so I'm back to hibernation mode. See you next week. I'll have a better story to tell, too.